i've just got home from seeing ''how to deal'' with mandy moore, i didn't actually go WITH her but she is in the movie. so it's a cutesy doutesy movie about girls and boys and it has some sad bits. i really liked the movie because i'm actually a girl raised a boy and obviously only a girl would like such a movie because i'm such a pigheaded male. so this movie got me thinking about a few things.#

firstly, this movie happens to people who are in high school, juniors to be exact if my note taking was at all accurate. i am not in high school anymore. this movie is about people falling in love and being happy, but sad at some points too. (the flaming lips are actually played in the movie, ''don't you realize, that happiness, can make you cry?'') so these two things put together brings me to my thought: if i'm not in high school anymore will i ever be able to fall in love like that? this really upsets me. although i can just look at other movies where the people are supposed to be in college and that makes me feel better. _because obviously life imitates the movies and nothing that happens in life hasn't happened in a movie_#

secondly, i thought about how i'm weird at relationships. mandy's character in the movie doesn't want to have feelings for anyone because she doesn't want to give them the opportunity to hurt her -- so she wants to *make out* with people but not have feelings for them, and by people i mean the boy in the movie. i on the other hand, don't want to make out with people because i don't want them to get hurt if i stop making out with them. or something like that. #

i thought about how i'm so typical and i only want what i can't have. i thought about how i really like the phrasology "suck at." and how i suck at lots. i thought about talking to people in song quotes or referring to them while talking. is that bad? it's kind a little bit. although probably only when they are bad lyrics.#

one more thought actually. when i was in my younger waste, i would often go "party", i guess you would say, in this one part of mass. it doesn't really matter where, but at one point i found this really pretty lake in the middle of the woods. it was really really smooth, _like glass_, and i thought it was great. it was big so you could the reflection of the moon, and there were lots of rocks for skipping. ever since then i've been trying to find the right girl to bring there and show it to her. i have lots of secrets i want to share, <cliche>i just don't want to get hurt</cliche>, so i don't tell anyone yet or find someone to tell.#

the purpose of this post is too look like i'm a broken hearted sap who _really cares_ unlike most of the other guys so that you'll want to be the one i should fall in love with because i'm lame like that. the secondary purpose of this post is to write like i did when i was 11.#

''they're playing our song on the radio, do you have to go? i know you really love this rock and roll''#